We're here. We're fighting. What for? I don't know. Sauron will give us power. Power. What does that mean? The same power that he gives the orcs? Maybe he'll give us some real power. And then what? I'll get what I never had. No pressure to be like anyone else, I'll be telling others how to be like me. I'll show my father how much I can be. You think he'll be proud of his big bad wolf boy? A voice in my head tells me, like so many times before. I know the answer and I know it well. I know it despite trying so hard to push it away, despite reasoning with myself till I scream in frustration, asking why my mind just won't leave me alone, why I always gotta fight.
No. No, he won't be proud. He'll be saddened. His wrinkles will get deeper and he'll shrink, the work of the Ents won't show anymore. And he'll be crushed, but that's what I want. I'll never get his pride, he can't accept me, my dad always has to be right. But he'll get a taste of my childhood, of how it still is. He'll feel like a worthless bug. He'll be sorry and it will be to late.
A screaiming man charges at me, and I swipe his head off. Not thinking about the memories he'll never recall, the ones that will be made without him, the tears that will water his grave, the children who will scream when they hear that Daddy's not coming home. I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT IT!!! Blod spurts around me, the air is thick with the stench, screams fill my ears, but it doesn't affect me, and I wonder if that's normal.
But these people have kilt too. What's the difference between me and them? Between Sauron and whoever's leading them? They both want power. They both want to win. Neither wants to be forced onto a tiny stretch of land in the East, ruined and dusty and ugly. But only my side is. They get the whole rest of the world. They get Gondor and Rohan and Valinor. Why? How is that fair? I think as I dodge a blow.
That doesn't matter, though. Right now we're in war. I gotta stop being so introspective, as my friends always tell me. Eat, grow strong, fight. That's all there is to life.