I've talked about it to multiple people and it never helps. But hey, what's one more time....
I'm going to copy-paste something that probably won't go through because the filter hates me.
1. the interns. they make me feel horrible, all the staff members here except for Jeremy are so fake and idk I guess they're nice people but it's like them and everyone else is on the other side of glass or something, they never care about anything I say or listen to me or anything
I literally left class crying yesterday and do you think Instructor What's-her-name even asked me if I was okay? no. Do you think Instructor Rob cared either? no. didn't expect him to, he thinks it's just about making us do exercises and doesn't actually care about us as people. or maybe he does, but he definitely doesn't care about me
like dude, you're supposed to connect with your students and actually make their lives better? not worse? you literally shoot me down every class. I'VE SEEN YOU BE A GOOD TEACHER I KNOW YOU HAVE IT IN YOU BUT WHY DO YOU PERSIST TO BE A [...]?
YOU KNOW I'M NOT GETTING ANY BETTER WHEN YOU IGNORE ME LIKE THIS
THANKS FOR CARING
so there's that
2. I hate myself so much, like actually. When I talk I sound like an idiot, nothing I say ever makes sense, and I snap at everyone and I'm ugly and fat and stupid, I'm failing two classes and everyone else is doing great
the school bus drove by one of the ponds in our neighborhood and I thought about going there tonight to drown myself but since I'm a coward I'm not going to, once I read how painful drowning was, not a chance
I literally don't even want to live anymore, it's so much easier to just run from my problems and end it all
can't fail precalc/programming if you're dead. can't be a bully if you're dead. can't ruin people's lives when you're dead. I thought about it all day and I hate that I'm too much of a coward to do it, what even is there to live for
3. nothing is right anymore and I don't have anyone
yes, I have internet friends, but I want someone to actually hug me and tell me everything's okay and actually be there for me but I don't have anyone
I guess I do but if they knew I thought about suicide, even the least bit, they would drop-kick my ___ to a psychiatrist or whatever, however you spell that word
and I don't want to go there, that's where insane people go and I don't want to go there, I don't want to talk to some creepy person about this
I probably scared you with this...I swear to god what I'm having are PASSIVE suicidal thoughts, I'm too much of a coward to actually do it
I just think about dying a lot and want death to come already
Mods, please let this through. Or if you don't care either, that's fine.