So. I had a rough time around 2 days ago.
I entered a new school this year (yay, out of the academy :D) I have only been in my current school for 3 weeks, so I'm still not familiar with teachers/ students.
How it happened was that I was running a mile, my back hurting as always (I have back problems). The next day, before we went to go for gym, I told my coach that my back would always in pain, but even greater when running. He responded with "Thats because you're out of shape." I was... had... mixed feelings... for I was already trying to eat in moderation, and exercise. I said "Ok sir, thank you." i bowed my head (I have a tendency to do this when i feel guilty or sorry) and walked towards the changing room. I talk to myself alot, so what kept popping into my head was " why did you say that? You wouldn't have to hear it if you didn't say it!" I continued to scold myself.
It was the last period, thankfully. Whenever I get sad, nervous, uncomfortable, ect. , my hands would become icicles, so meaning very cold at the tips. My last period was to write an essay, but with my freezing hand, unable to write cleanly. I was disappointed that my essay wasn't the same and clean as my other daily essays.
I looked for my mom afterschool. I went inside the car, my hands becoming to get warmer, knowing I was in a comfortable place with my mom. I told her what my coach said, and she said "That's what he told you?!" I responded with a nod, and we went in silence. I then told my dad, knowing he would tell me, " Sweety, your not out of shape, you just need to exercise a little more, and you be clear!" then give me a smile, like usual.
But i guess I was wrong. "You are out of shape." He looked at me with serious eyes, not the comforting smile like always. I looked at him and my eyes starting to water, I told him "Wow thanks dad, I love you too" I gave him a smile and left to my room. I texted my sister what had happened, about my coach, since I was SURE she wasn't going to say the same thing, for she vowed and have never called me overwwight/ fat/ out of shape, ect. But again, she did too.
The people I was fond to. I went and grabbed the weight measure and set it down. I weighed myself and started to cry. I couldn't believe it. I was so dissapointed.
Since that sday, i haven't been able to eat food well, and haven't been able to feel energetic as usual. Ive also been the whole time I'm at home intesly.
I feel empty, and not complete. I hope i don't become like those ill full people who are dangerously thin. I just want to be satisfied with mysef. I know i sound like I want attention, but I really don't. I just like writing here, because its like my diary almost. I'm kind of worried though. So i have to lie to my parents about my eating lunch. I'm trying my best to stop, before it gets any worse.
Please, if someone body shames you, scold yourself, but push yourself positively to enhance your natural beauty. :)
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"Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting"
- Peter Pan
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THNX! ( ͡° ᴥ ͡° )