So, I'm listing to "Human" (by both Christina Perri and Rag'n'Bone Man) and "Everybody Knows" (sung by Sigrid) and I just. *moves hands around* ...FEELINGS.
So, after my breakdown yesterday, Josh gave me a long hug before the nurse came over and told us that visiting hours were over. I had nodded, the nurse left, I gave Josh the extra food, and left with my relationship with Josh stronger than it ever was. Only to find Elizabeth asleep in the chair at home. I had smiled and carried her to bed before eating my share of the Chick-Fil-A alone and going to sleep. Now, it's ten in the morning, we just had breakfast, I was trying to find a way to break it to my lovely wife that I knew her friend was alive and that I had a breakdown yesterday when I met him. While driving to the hospital to pick up Cosimia, who's being released and on pain medicine. Please, I find myself thinking somewhere in the back of my mind, don't let there be a repeat of "Satisfied", I can only take so much Cos on Pain Meds. I'm just getting my nerve to stick and I'm opening my mouth to tell Lizzy when she opens the door and Josh is in the room. Hugging Cosimia. And my nerve is either gone or strong as metal when I see them, I can't tell, because suddenly I am terrified again but a the same time I want Cosimia over here right now, that is my sis-. That's not my sister. She was just hugging her fiancee. Elizabeth is not going to get sole custody of the kids after I tell her. Wait, what? I shake my head and suddenly a loud "CRACK!" rings through the air and I flinch, taking a step back into the wall before I realize that it was Lizzy slapping Joshua. Cosimia noticed me and her eyes narrowed when I flinched before we both looked to Lizzy and the Major. "We were told you were dead," she says coldly, stiffly, back straight and hand protectively resting on her stomache. "I was undercover," he told her in a low, matter-of-fact,-please-believe-me,-I'm-telling-the-truth voice. "You left us. You left Cosimia, your fiancee, alone," she hisses. I take a deep breath and before I lose my will, I break into the... whatever it was. "He-He didn't l-leave her alone. He left her with me. He told me, Elizabeth, that he was going undercover. I-I could have told you guys. At anytime at all. But I didn't. That's on me. I couldn't- I couldn't protect you guys like I wanted- like I needed to. Cosimia, you were in here in the first place because of me. Because I couldn't watch over you. Elizabeth, one of your best friends couldn't go to your wedding and walk you down the isle like you wanted him to because of me. Because I wouldn't tell you that he was alive. I'm sorry. Really, I am. And I did try. And I did want to tell you. I didn't want to lie to you, really, I didn't," I insist, I plead with my eyes and out loud for her to understand as I press my knuckles into one eye to stop tears from forming, "So-So, if you want to yell at anyone, yell at me. I'm the one that deserves it. Not-Not Major Taylor." I say the last part in a whisper. Good-bye, Cosimia. Good-bye, Elizabeth and Minette and Charlie and Jacob and and, I think to myself as I brace myself for their judgement, And good-bye, Twins. That I might never meet.
(Mods, PLEASE LET THIS THROUGH, IT IS ALL F A K E AND IT TOOK ME A R E A L L L Y LONG TIME TO GET IT DONE. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS Y'ALL, ELF)
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"But I don't regret,
Nor will I forget all who took the road with me.
To these memories I will hold
With your blessing I will go.
I bid you all a very fond farewell."