I had a very negative experience with middle school - every year was terrible. It really was. In sixth grade I was diagnosed with anxiety and I felt useless and like my life had no purpose, until I started taekwondo at the end of the school year. Then everything got better . . . until I discovered how awful anxiety really was. That was my seventh grade year. In eighth grade I had a truly evil English teacher - he was absolutely HORRIBLE. He never taught us ANYTHING - he only yelled at us and made our lives miserable. I felt unsafe and I was scared to go to English class; the only way to keep myself from running away crying was to think about my taekwondo school the entire class and sit there, not saying a word, not making a sound, looking straight forward. If you looked to the side for one second, you got detention. If you said one word, you got detention. If you and your friend looked at each other across the room, that was considered "communicating" and an email was sent home. And you got detention. He made me cry once, but mostly he didn't directly hurt me. He hurt everyone else in my class, except for one other girl and sometimes another girl too, and sometimes two boys. Everyone else was "disrespectful", when they never even did anything. I wasn't "disrespectful" because I did my homework and got good grades. I got a perfect score on my state writing exam. But the credit for that goes to my elementary school teachers and my sixth grade English teacher (who HAS to be the best school teacher in the world). In eighth grade I learned nothing about writing. Only about fear. Only about what it was like to truly fear a teacher. He only yelled at me once, but I listened when he yelled at my classmates. We weren't best friends, the nineteen of us, but I hated to see them be bullied by him. If I didn't fear him so much, I would have stood up for them. The only reason I didn't was because I was afraid. I was afraid of him, and I was afraid of my parents - one phone call from school, they said, and I can't go to taekwondo for a month. And I knew my English teacher would twist the story, just as "authority figures" at school always do, to make the child look like the villain when the villain is, in reality, the teacher.
My English teacher yelled at my classmates for saying "Yeah" instead of saying "Yes", which is pretty pointless in my opinion. He kept demanding respect, but I don't think he respected us that much. I hated the feeling I got being in that class, this negative, awful, sick feeling. I was sad and negative the entire year, the only times I was happy being the times I was at taekwondo, when I was with my friends . . . and a teacher who respected us, a teacher who deserved all the respect he got in return, a teacher who truly cared about his students, a teacher I could trust.
That's right, you should be able to trust your teachers. But I didn't trust my English teacher one bit.
So you can imagine how terrified I am. I don't want any more teachers like my English teacher. And I want to make more friends - good friends, martial arts friends, not like the rude, hurtful friends I had in middle school - but I'm afraid. I don't want more "friends" who try to change me, "friends" who don't respect me and don't even care about me.
So . . . can anyone help me?
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- Lahash -
Est. January 2014
It's a truth that in love and war
Worlds collide and hearts get broken
I want to live like I know I'm dying
Take up my cross, not be afraid
I won't be coming back.
Love you all. Stay positive. <3