Wow...This is so bizzar. I can't believe that after all this time, I'm back. I'll have to admit, I've crept in the shadows a couple of times, checking in on old friends, watching for some to come back, and observing the existence of this sight in general. I haven't logged on though since my last post over a year and a half ago, and I have to admit...my heart was racing just typing in my password. As I re-read my old threads, as I revisited old memories, and as I typed the ever familiar pattern across my keyboard that gave me access to who I used to be, I was transported back to an entirely different life. Just to clarify, no, I am not coming back. After about nine months of debating about it, I guess you could say I'm making this post for a sense of closer. After checking, very few of my friends are even still active, nor do I expect many people to understand it. When it's all said and done though, I don't want to have regrets. I don't want people to worry about what ever happened to me, as I know I have for so many other people. I guess you could call this my Epiloge. After starting to type this up though, I realized that I don't have the time or emotional stability to do this all in one post. I'm going to have to do this in installments, that could be ranging in time from days to weeks.
One last thing before I start: I'm ok. I'm alive. I can't say everything is better, but I am on track. I am safe, and am in a healthy environment. It's not so much that I have recovered. I still have euphoric highs and crushing, deep dark lows. There are still some days where I just think about the past, and my heart just aches so badly, that I don't know what to do. That hasn't left me, and I don't think it ever will without some serious medication. No, I still carry it all, inside and outside of my body. What I do have though, is time and expirance. The ache is familiar. The waves come almost like clock work. I still wear hoddies, but I sometimes push my sleeves up. I still draw butterflies, but they are multiplying, not decreasing. What all I'm trying to say is, am I healthy? Well, I am healthier. Am I happy? In my own way. Have I healed? Probably never fully, but am I ok? Yes.
Last thing, I swear. A few message.
@Tessa: I'm so so so sorry about how I've left you hanging for the past months. My mom is still very very careful about everything, (and I lowkey might be breaking a rule with this whole thing...but I needed to do this.) what I want you to know is that I love you to the moon and back. I am so beyond glad to have talked to you this summer, and I promise this isn't goodbye. I'll be back. It might be a while, but I will. I love you so so so much, and you mean more than words can describe to me. You have always been there for me, and I'm sorry I couldn't do the same for you.
REQUEST: IF SOMEONE CAN GET THIS TO TESSA (you know where to find her) I WOULD BE SO GREATFUL! THANK YOU
@Jordyn: Thank you for bordum. Thank you for talking. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being a friend. I'm sorry I left. There were some things that needed to be addressed. I love you, and I hope we can reconnect some day.
@Kimbly: I never got to tell you my story, but I'm hoping this might be able to explain some things. I love you, and please know what an inspiration you have been.
Ok, with that said and done, I'll start:
I guess I should start from the beginning. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Kari. I have been around this MB before T39C even had its own MB. I have done my fair share of hiding in the shadows, and also my fair share of being active. I have been here for it all. When this was first created, through the Golden Age, and the dark one that followed. After that, the revive that creased the amazing home I learned to love. My safe haven I spent hours on a day, for two years in my life. Now, I guess you could call this the New Age. Most of the Ancients and Legends such as Gabby, Lyss, Lanya, and many more have moved on. Many have gone to collage (yes! Some of us are that old!). Others, have just slowly drifted away. I guess this is where I explain why I left.
Like I said, I have been watching this place for a while, but I really started to become active in 2013. I don't remember much, (or not much was happening, and we were exiting the dark ages) . There were some classic RPs though, and for some reason I vividly remember the "13 Ways to Annoy People in an Elevator!!! XD XD XD" Thread. In fact, if you are looking for a fantastic laugh, check it out. It's worth your time. Slowly though, I watched as it grew into something. The HSC was revived, Prom became a regular occurrence, and everyone got know everyone a little better. We started living in the height of awesome sauce and disembodied hand brownies.(yes, you read that right. Search it.) Slowly, I myself started establishing roots and friendships. The best ones always occurs when you don't know how exactly you meet a person. I found this to be true both IRL, and on this forum. Before I go any deeper though, I should give you a little background about myself.
To be continued...
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Thank you to all,
for all that you've done.