It used to be the reason I breathe but now it’s choking me out.
She sits in front of her window again, looking out of the window. The sun was setting , creating beautiful colors in the sky, like red, orange and purple.
She hears slow footsteps creaking on the wooden floor behind her. They stop.
“You still love him do you?” She can feel the pain in his voice, even though it’s cold. He is trying to be harsh, but all he can sound is hurt.
A soft smile appears on her face. She turns around and faces him, her jade green eyes piercing him. “Does it matter?”
His expression stays emotionless, but his eyes betray that he gets bothered by the way she looks at him.
“He’s dead, Amy.”
She chuckles at his comment and turns to look at the window again. “He’s more alive than you will ever be.”
He doesn’t answer, but she knows he wants to hit her. Or tell her something to hurt her. But he won’t do it, because she is his weak spot.
He opens the door to leave. Amy takes a breath. “I never loved you” she shouts. His movements stop.
“I know,love. I know.”
I wish you could be honest with me.
It’s 2 at night but Amy can’t sleep. She never sleeps normally. The shadows hunt her, the darkness devours her. She opens slightly the door of his room. It was supposed to be her room too, but she denies sleeping next to him.
She perks through the space between the door and the wall. She can see his sleeping back, slowly going up and down while he is sleeping. The spot next to him is empty; he never sleeps at her supposed-to-be side.
I tried to write your name in the rain, but the rain never came.
What is he dreaming, she wonders. Probably, her. Or his sister. He loved his sister. Amy sometimes can’t even remember how she looked like. Sometimes she can’t recall how her brother looked like.
She closes the door of his room and walks to the living room and lies to a couch.
She was jealous of him being able to dream. Because she couldn’t dream anymore.
Amy would always wake up first. Sometimes, she was waking up early enough to witness the sunrise. The sunrise was always more beautiful than the sunset, and she never really understood why.
After she woke up, she went to the bathroom. The mirror was one of the few things that still reminded her that she wasn’t an ugly stain in the world, but a real person.
She walks to the kitchen and sits on the kitchen table. He wakes up a bit after. She hears him walking down the stairs. Soon enough, he comes to the kitchen. She doesn’t look at him.
“Good morning” he says, hoping like every day, that each day would be a different one.
He puts a bowl in front of her with cereal. “I ate” she tells him and pushes it away.
“You are lying” he tells her. He pushes the bowl in front of her again. “You didn’t eat yesterday either.”
“Just leave me alone.”
Amy faces him, anger fills her expression. “I said no.”
He brings his face closer to hers. His amber eyes pierce her. “Eat. Now.”
She pushes the bowl out of the table, milk spreading all over the carpet. She stills stares at him. He wants to slap her, she can feel it. But he won’t do it.
He makes a step back. “Great. Nice attitude. The people in the asylum will love to have you with them.”
She stands up fast. “You won’t do it.”
“Oh I will” he says and walks to take the phone from the living room.
She screams and grabs his arm. “YOU ARE LYING” she screams and pulls his arm fiercely.
He briefly looks at her and presses the first button. “Two months have passed Amy! Two months!”
Tears of anger start falling from her eyes as she keeps shaking his arm, trying to prevent him from giving her to them. “I HATE YOU” she shouts and jumps to grab the phone from his hand.
With a fierce shake of his arm, he throws her body on the couch behind her. The push shocks her, her eyes widen. She buries her face in her hands and sobs. The air around her feels thickened, her eyes get blurry. She tries to breathe, but she can’t. She gasps for air, she gasps for an escape.
Suddenly, a hand caresses her back. Someone is shouting her name. Body warmth is pressed on her body. Someone is hugging her. Their hand is folding her hair.
Amy relaxes for a bit. “Breathe Amy” she hears now the male voice telling her. Worried. He is worried. Her eyesight gets better. The phone is on the carpet, now. Did he throw it to help her? Probably.
She breathes. She hates him, but at the moment, she feels safe in his hug. He keeps folding her hair. He is shaking. “Hush, Amy. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I won’t let them take you okay? I was just-I wanted you to eat. You should eat. What do you..- what? I mean.. you don’t want to die or anything right? If you die I-…don’t leave me, Amy. Don’t leave me alone. You don’t love me. I didn’t love you either. But I got to love you. So, please, let me take care of you.”
She shuts her eyes.
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