23. Never try and videotape Jonah to see if he has sleep panic disorder.
My cameras were in place. I hid in the air vent and settled in with my cheese crackers and skittles and NON-nonfat grape juice.
Jonah sat up in bed and screamed. Then he laid back down without ever waking up.
I narrated the scene below like a movie announcer. "The Celeb has a secret unbeknowest to anyone..."
But Hamilton came running. Keep in mind, they're best friends. He jumped onto Jonah's bed and shook him.
"Buddy, they almost heard this time!"
"Ooo, so The Macho Guy knows his secret!"
But Jonah wasn't fully awake and began to squirm around on the ground.
Hamilton was evidently so creeped out that he screamed for help. "AMY! SINEAD!"
They strolled in. "We know about Jonah's sleep panic disorder. Everyone does." Amy paused. "Except maybe Dan."
I sighed and began to crawl away.
But then something made be scoot back.
Hamilton shook his head. "I doubt the people with soundproof rooms have heard." He took out a megaphone and screamed his loudest for Ian and Natalie.
Amy shook her head. "No, like this." She calmly stepped forwards to the megaphone. "Ian and Natalie, I found a clue!" she screamed.
Sinead snorted. "Nope. That doesn't work."
Amy shook her head. "I've seen Dan do it before."
But Hamilton was whispering with Sinead.
Ham stepped into the hallway. "Ian, Amy is bleeding and dying and needs medical atten--OOF!"
Ian bowled Hamilton over and screeched to a halt in the doorway.
BREAK IN THE STORY
"Why is my love life always being poked fun at here?"
Oh. Hi Amy. Um, because you are totally made for Ian, that's why.
"I wish everyone would stop saying that. Because who does poor Jake get?"
"I ship you and Ian, and Jake and a long walk off a short cliff."
All right, back to the story.
Sinead rolled on the floor laughing. "It actually worked, Ham! It actually worked!"
Ian frowned. "Thank you very much for lying to me and making me run half the distance of the mansion."
Ham was groaning. "Ow. Dude, you need to cut back on the ice cream and stuff."
"I do not!"
"AHHHHH!!!" Jonah screamed.
Sinead smiled smugly. "Well, at least one thing has come from this night."
Amy tackled Sinead and stuffed her into the closet. "Let's hit the sack."
Hamilton sighed and left.
But then I got the most amazing footage of Ian and Amy....
It went on Facebook and Youtube, of course.